Doing a 4 day overnight stint with one of my babysitting families this week. It has been 26 hours and 3 minutes since I started, and I am questioning everything. Do I really want to have kids? If I have kids, what if I don't like them and think they suck? Do other people like their kids? What is reasonable to expect of 12 and 14 year olds? Do all teens suck or are teenage girls the worst? Is this worth the few hundred bucks I might make? Is it Wednesday at 8pm yet?
This is a summary of the past 26 hours and 3 minutes, leading me to believe more and more that I am not actually cursed but blessed by a divine power to be single and childless:
SUNDAY
6:45am -- wake up and spend 15 minutes getting ready to leave for babysitting; I packed the day before and am rolling over in my pjs because teenagers sleep in so I'll probably be able to go back to bed
7:30am -- Babysitting Mom (BM) has debriefed me on the upcoming schedule and departs for airport; she also home-made chocolate filled croissants that are in oven as a treat for the girls when they wake up (lucky!) because they get sad when she leaves town; no going to sleep because need to wait for breakfast to get out of the oven...thinking chocolate filled croissants are worth it
7:45am -- little, yippy dog barks incessantly at nothing
8am -- kids wake up; no going back to sleep, shit
8:06am -- kids complain about the way mom made croissants, will not eat them; eat store bought donut holes instead and pour huge glass of expensive juice, take one sip, leave on counter to go bad and until I clean up hours later
8:10am to 11:30am -- fighting with each other and whining about being bored, how unfair life is that they didn't get a new iPhone6 the day it was released (tho they have ordered and are waiting for them to arrive in the mail because they shattered their old screens *again* and NEED new ones), and asking if I've ever met Mindy Kaling (they have), what about Justin Timberlake? Oprah? Coldplay? Nobody?!?!?!?
11:30am -- telling me they will prepare soccer gear and get dressed for game later because they only need 5 minutes to do that and we don't need to leave until 12; not hungry and confirm they don't want to eat lunch before soccer game and "gross" refuses to eat leftovers when I suggest that
12pm -- kid starts preparing for soccer game and gets mad at me because she can't find her jersey and is going to be late for her game; will not wear last year's jersey even though it's the same color
12:05pm -- I look in one drawer she has search "3 times" and find jersey; no apology; also have to fill her water bottles for her and find her other shin guard
12:10pm -- on road to soccer game in St. Michael (St Michael!); kid is now starving and eats my snack while complaining whole time about how gross it is; derides me about the low level of quality when I ask if she wants to stop at McDonald's because it's right off the next exit; insists only thing she will eat is Noodles and makes me pull over on side of road to look up location of closest one because she's too busy on instagram on her phone to look it up and will tattle on me if I am on my phone while driving; get food while she waits in car because she's embarrassed to be seen at Noodles in Maple Grove in her soccer uniform (her lofty culinary pallet orders buttered noodles)
1pm-3:30pm -- arrive in St. Michael, sit through warm up and shitty game; am fascinated to see she saves all her aggression for criticizing and bossing me around but is too afraid to touch soccer ball if anyone is near her; she spends most of game sitting on bench (because she missed practice all week because she was sick) with back turned to the game talking to her friends; she LOVES soccer
3:30pm - 11pm -- in the interest of getting to Monday, I'll summarize this as chauffering, catering to their every whim, picking up wrappers, glasses, pop cans, food, and repeatedly telling them to turn TV off and do homework or get ready for bed; being told they'll do everything later and making snide comments about everything
MONDAY
5:45am -- alarm goes off; dog licks inside of mouth while I yawn
6am -- wake girls up; feed dog, give dog meds, make coffee, walk dog
6:15am -- wake girls up again
6:25am -- wake girls up again
6:36am -- 14 year old comes down crying that her cold is still bothering her and thinks she has enterovirus and is afraid she is going to die; do research on enterovirus and show her symptoms of severe cases (which she does not have) and do some nebulizer treatment that should have been done last night but was told it would be done "later" until 11pm when I said it was too late and to go to bed
6:45am -- 14 year old will not take Dayquil or cough meds to feel better; pokey about getting ready
7am -- need to leave to drop 14 year old at friend's house to get ride for school; can't find swim suit for swim practice and still trying which pajamas to wear for spirit week dress up
7:10am-- finally leave for friends house; nearly there and 14 year old says the car that just passed is her mom and friend; insists they would leave without her when I am dubious that they'd just leave without calling for being 10 mins late
7:12am -- turn around and race down street trying to catch up with car; honking to get attention so they stop and let 14 year old get in car
7:13am -- catch up at light, pull up next to them, and it's not them; fat white guy with no kids in car
7:14am -- caught at light trying to do u-turn to go back to friend's house; can't call friend because 14 year old doesn't know number and phone is out of commission until new iPhone6 arrives, which reprises complaints about how deprived she is
7:17am -- BM calling from San Fran as friend's mom is calling saying we still aren't there; get 14 year old dropped off
7:17-7:20am -- recap enterovirus freakout, missing swim suit, describing the cough and discussing with mom that we don't need a Drs appointment, explaining car chase scene, apologizing, and wishing BM and Mr. BM happy anniversary; 12 year old calling, demanding to know where I am because she wants breakfast and is going to be late for school
7:40am - 8am -- 20 mins to get myself ready for work; pack 12 year old tennis uniform for team pictures; prep fruit and toast for breakfast which she skips and take cliff bar instead; won't help let dog out because it's raining; can't figure out how to open trunk in car to load her tennis bag; I refrain from drop kicking yippy dog
8:15am -- drop 12 year old at school; she tells me not to be late picking her up after school
8:45pm -- arrive at work and already dread school pick up and the torture that follows
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